Hot & Bothered (But Not Alone)

By Solana,, YaraGlow

Let’s be honest. For many women, perimenopause and menopause don’t exactly arrive with a parade. It’s more like a slow, unpredictable shift. One day you’re fine, the next you’re sweating through your bedsheets, picking fights over cereal boxes, and wondering where your libido wandered off to. And in the middle of all that? Your partner. Often confused, sometimes helpless, and occasionally the accidental target of your fluctuating hormones.

This isn’t just your change, it’s a shared one. And while it might not be romantic, it’s very human. So, let’s talk about how to get through it together.

What’s Happening (In Plain Terms)

Perimenopause is the lead-up to menopause, when hormones like oestrogen and progesterone rise and fall like a dodgy lift. Menopause itself is marked by a full year without a period, usually in your early 50s. For about a quarter of women, the ride is fairly smooth. But for the rest? Symptoms can touch every corner of life:

• Hot flashes and night sweats

• Mood swings, anxiety, and brain fog

• Disturbed sleep and sheer exhaustion

• Vaginal dryness and painful sex

• Low libido and shifting self-esteem

• Weight gain, hair loss, and skin changes

None of this is about weakness. It’s biology, and it deserves understanding, not minimising.

Hormones Aren’t the Whole Story

Yes, hormones are the main culprits, but they don’t act alone. Stress, workload, existing health conditions, past trauma, and even how society views ageing women all play a role. And guess what? Partners feel this too. One man in a support group put it bluntly: “We don’t have anywhere to talk about this either.”

That’s not a call for pity, it’s a prompt for partnership.

Why Relationships Take a Hit

Mood swings and misfires in communication aren’t personal, but they feel personal. Add in low desire, physical discomfort, or just sheer irritability, and it’s easy for resentment to build.

But the good news? With the right tools, this phase doesn’t have to push you apart. It can bring you closer.

What Helps (and What Doesn’t)

1. Talk early, talk often. Not just about symptoms, but about how you both feel. Be honest without blame. Say, “I’m struggling,” not “You don’t understand.”

2. Learn together. Read about menopause as a team. Track patterns. Recognise triggers. Some partners even learn to spot their other half’s hormonal shifts better than they do.

3. Expand your idea of intimacy. Intimacy doesn’t always mean sex. It can be touch, kindness, or even laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

4. Try the tools. HRT, lubricants, cycle apps, therapy, whatever helps. Lifestyle changes like sleep, food, and movement aren’t cure-alls, but they do lighten the load.

5. Share the mental load. It’s not just physical. There’s decision fatigue, care work, emotional labour. When both partners carry the weight, resentment doesn’t pile up.

6. Don’t tough it out alone. Menopause isn’t a test of endurance. It’s okay to get help, medical, emotional, or relational. Seeing a therapist, coach, or joining a community can make a world of difference.

The Takeaway

Menopause can be a confusing, confronting season. But with openness, empathy, and a team mindset, it can also be a time of surprising closeness.

It’s not about fixing her or getting him to understand everything. It’s about walking through it together, even when things are messy.

Because love isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about showing up, sweaty sheets, snappy moods, and all.

Relationship Blogger YaraGlow.com